


Poisonous Ideals

by PorlPoint



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gem War, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:12:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorlPoint/pseuds/PorlPoint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Homeworld's poison ran deep."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- After a long battle, Bismuth finds Pearl and also finds out just how deep seated Pearl's issues are. The revelation scares her -</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poisonous Ideals

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty bispearl oneshot~  
> Where is all the gem war bispearl??? A+ ship if you ask me.

Homeworld's poison ran deep.  
  
Their base had been reduced to rubble in the latest attack.  
Bismuth found Pearl leaning against a stone wall.  
She looked so breakable like this.

"Pearl..."  
Bismuth didn't know what to say.  
  
"I...I think they might have been right," was Pearl's quiet response.  
  
"Right about what?" Bismuth asked gently, sitting down and holding her strong hand over Pearl's shoulder.  
Pearl leaned against her, then replied.  
  
"I can't do this. I'm only a Pearl and we have to fight against quartz gems... All I'm good for is holding things while the important gems do their work."  
Bismuth tried to protest, but it did nothing to stop her.  
"I'm not strong...I panic too easily, I can't take as much damage as you or Rose can. A-all I'm good for is being Rose's extra shield, to stay with her and make sure she's okay...but I-I can't seem to do that either. She had to reform today...I wasn't there to protect her... and if I can't protect my gem-"  
"Pearl!" Bismuth interjected, louder and angrier than she meant to. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, her lip trembled slightly.  
"Rose is not your...your gem! You aren't her Pearl!"  
  
Pearl looked up, her startled eyes widened as the realization hit her.  
  
"I...I guess I am just a pearl. I didn't even notice what I was saying..."  
Pearl wrapped her arms around her knees and lowered her head.  
"I'm not cut out for freedom. I'm not built for it."  
  
"No!" Bismuth was crying now, unbidden tears sliding down purple cheeks. She was a sympathetic crier, especially around Pearl. It messed up her voice when she needed to sound strong for others, but that was just how she was.

"Pearl...that's not true. That's not...you're almost the definition of 'freedom.' You defied all..."  
Bismuth had to pause for a moment, her words trapped in her throat.  
She couldn't stand to see Pearl cry, she couldn't stand to see Pearl go back to Homeworld's line of thinking.  
  
"You're your own gem. You don't belong to anyone."  
  
"I know," Pearl replied. "I know that I want to be my own gem. I just don't know...I don't know if it's too late for me. I've been...just a Pearl...nothing more...for so long."  
  
"Being a pearl isn't something to be ashamed of," Bismuth said as she ran her hand up and down Pearl's back. She was so slender and fragile, but normally her personality exceeded this meek form so much that she was as big and strong as any quartz.  
Pearl was strong in the real way.  
  
It was moments like these when Pearl looked as small as she actually was.  
  
Pearl cried quietly, turning away from Bismuth. Bismuth didn't move her hand.  
"Shh," she tried to soothe, both Pearl and herself.

"Stop it!" Pearl snapped, making Bismuth's heart drop. Maybe this was what it was like to be shattered.  
  
"I'm not worth it! Stop trying to care. Go away, go...away..."  
  
Bismuth's hand slipped away, fingers lingering as long as possible before losing contact.  
  
"Leave!" Pearl yelled, clutching her knees.  
  
Though every instinct told Bismuth to stay, she knew she had to respect Pearl's wishes. She rose to her feet slowly, more tentative than anyone would think possible of her, and backed away.  
Bismuth knew she needed to leave, she of all people respected choice. But...  
  
  
_The battle was over, the crystal gems had defended the base._  
_No one was shattered, but many were poofed. These gems were laid out on a soft blanket on the floor._  
_Bismuth stood guard. She looked up when a shadow fell over her._  
_When she looked up she saw Rose Quartz, her hair a mess and her face ashen._  
_She kneeled and bismuth could tell there was something clasped in her right hand. It was Pearl's gem._  
_Bismuth let out a sigh, saddened but relieved that it was not gem shards that Rose brought back._  
_Pearl was placed with the other recovering soldiers._

_~_

_She had done it again. Pearl had taken a hit meant for Rose Quartz. She was poofed instantly. Rose had to keep fighting, so Bismuth ran across the battlefield, swinging her hammer to remove enemies who stood in her way. It was all superficial damage, but Bismuth wasn't concerned with proofing Homeworld soldiers at the moment._  
_She scooped the fallen gem up as she ran by, running from the battle and not looking back._ _Though guilt sat at the back of her mind, she knew she had to abandon the fight for now. Pearl had no way to defend herself like this._

_~_

_It was worse this time. If Bismuth hadn't gotten her to Rose, Pearl's gem would have fractured even further and probably shattered._  
_Rose had no difficulty crying when Pearl was cradled in Bismuth's arms in front of her, shuddering as her form flickered._

_~_

_All and all, it was too much. Pearl got poofed more than any gem should be, and it happened because Pearl valued her own life below those of her comrades._  
_Bismuth didn't know if the guilt would ever end as she rubbed a thumb against the sleek side of Pearl's gem, knowing that she was the latest soldier Pearl had sacrificed herself for._  
_Bismuths were sturdy, they could take more damage than most gems._  
  
_When Pearl reformed, Bismuth made her promise never to do that again._

 

At this rate, was the promise going to be kept?

As Pearl's self value dropped, the chance of her getting herself shattered grew higher and higher.  
  
No, Bismuth thought, she would not leave Pearl like this.  
What if the next time Bismuth saw her would be as a pile of shards?  
  
"You're wrong, Pearl," Bismuth managed to speak through her thick tears.  
Bismuth sat back down and reached out to Pearl.  
  
"Go away," Pearl whispered.  
  
"Not gonna happen," Bismuth replied softly, gently pulling Pearl towards her. Pearl made no move to resist.  
  
Slowly, Bismuth pulled Pearl into her lap. She wrapped one protective arm around her back and cradled her head in the other, thick fingers brushing through pink strands of hair.  
  
Pearl was completely still. She leaned against Bismuth's chest, and Bismuth could feel her tears.  
  
They sat for a long time, Pearl silent and Bismuth telling Pearl everything she liked about her, and everything the other gems liked about her too.  
  
"You're so important to us. Do you understand that now?"  
Even Bismuth, the emotional gem that she is, was out of tears.  
  
"Yes," was Pearl's reply, the first response to Bismuth's speech, barely audible.  
  
"Good."  
  
Pearl looked up.  
"Thank you, Bismuth."  
She was smiling, which made Bismuth smile too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> My tumblr is just-a-terrifying-renegade-pearl, if you want to follow.  
> I post a lot of SU, my SU OTP is pearlmethyst but as you can tell I also like bispearl very much!


End file.
